The Olympic Files: Day Nine.

"Anyone fancy a stroll?"

After a week of action, and another couple of medals in the Team GB bag, I have decided to turn my focus to a few random musings, which have occurred so far, over the 30th Olympiad, here in London, England.

In Water Polo, you can lose all three groups games, finish with zero points, and still qualify for the Quarter-Finals; as Team GB's women managed to achieve. The simple formula works on two groups of four teams, where after the group matches, 1 of A, plays 4 of 2. 2 of A, plays 3 of 2, and so forth - which is basically a ranking system, rendering the six group matches meaningless. As they say.... as pointless as a broken pencil - or a Leonard Cohen album.

The 50km Walk Olympic Champion, has been booted out the games for doping offences. Cheating? Have you ever seen a 50km walk? They reach the 10k mark in around 45:00 minutes - my 2011 average for the 10k running. The rules state some portion of a foot must remain grounded throughout the race - they are allowed two slip-ups before disqualification, which I guess they have pushed to its limits; even if it does mean these guys 'walking' technique, comes across as a melodramatic form of fast-paced homosexual mincing. On the bright side, it is free to view, and an event I look forward to seeing in the flesh.

In a crowd of 80,000, and seconds before the 100 meters final; a moment made for Usain Bolt, and Usain Bolt alone. Some egocentric dickhead decided to try and put the spotlight on himself by chucking a plastic beer bottle at the racers - thankfully missing his intended targets. There is always one, and it is a wasted seat that he was even in that arena. Personally, if he wants to be the centre of attention, I would award his desired dreams by tying his ignorant, race ruing arse, to a vertical, man sized lump of hardboard; then sticking it in the centre of the Javelin field during finals day. Then after the day is done, every crowd member gets to throw a plastic bottle at him.

Women's football has travelled a long long distance, since the days of obese, butch women lumbering around in front of fifteen Sunday strollers and a couple of greyhounds. While the men's game has been a dull, overrated let down, the females have shown levels of heart, skill, and determination which could put many males to shame. Team GB males lost in a Quarter-Final penalty shoot out; I guess some things will never change.

The female gymnasts move with incredible grace and rhythm, and perform feats almost beyond my imagination. Unfortunately, the athletes tend to look like ten-year-olds. In the outside world, this cannot be a positive when it comes to the dating world; though cheaper cinema tickets and half-price bus fares, are a welcome plus.

Tomorrow, Tae-kwon-doe finally beings; if you have never tried it, it is for those who are tough as nails, and the experts move with a grace and dignity which resembles watching swans dancing; but it doesn't mean I will refrain from taking the piss out of the funny names of the Asian competitors. Until the next time...

Lee.