Harrows World Of Weirdos Three: The Trolls.

Have you ever seen the movie 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre'? The original, not the remake. Much like all art, replicas or homages/ripoffs tend to miss the essence of the first creation, as well as the fact that 'rebooting' - the new, lazy barstad term for remake, tends to lend itself in film to being more for commercial than artistic reasons. Which is okay, I guess... if you like that sort of thing.

The movie, directed by Tobe Hooper in 1974, and banned in many countries (Including the UK) until 1999, is pretty good viewing. Though I don't personally see it as one of the greatest horror movies of all time. It is freaky, but the violence is all implied through cutaway shots, which actually makes the scenes more violent in the mind - a statement of how the human brain is so much more creative than the human eye.
The film focuses on a few attractive young adults, as horror films usually do, who venture into a small hick town to visit the grave of a late grandfather. Eventually things turn a little sour, and the main girl of the group ends up spending forced time in the vicinity of the main living quarters of the farmhouse, of a pretty screwed up family, which includes the classic character, Leatherface.
Which brings me to the next set of people who I see now and again in my time in Harrow; The Trolls.

Off Home.

A Night On The Town.

The trolls are a family, for want of a better word, of four, who make the trip into Harrow off the 140 Bus. A shitty bus journey if there ever was one. Going through such lovely dumping grounds such as Hayes and South Harrow. They spend the majority of their time sitting around outside the Starburger besides St.John's Church - or oppostie Debenhams, if you don't go to Church. Usually sitting around and constantly puffing on fags. They do talk to each other, but it is so inaudible, that I have a feeling it may be a mixture of welsh and pig-Latin. I m sure I once heard one of them speak the words 'unter,gleben,glauben,glouben - followed by some cockney rhyming slang.

Standing with the gurning gormless, face, you have the Mother of the group. Pictured in the yellow puffed up jacket and red dress, she only ever wears these clothes - and I do mean ever... all year round, regardless of seasons. She tends to be the one who ventures into other pubs and stores for her family, only to purchase nothing and come back, only to venture out again. I would assume that when the human carcass are left in the kitchen, it is her job to organize the meats and label the packs for freezing.

The fella standing completely away is - I would assume, the son. He is gangly and looks to be in his late-twenties, and appears as if his mum, after organizing the human remains for the freezer, tucks him into bed with a hot water bottle, and reads him a bedtime story - which is either Jeffrey Dahmer's life story, or the philosophy of Ted Bundy... for kids! I dont believe he owns or knows how to use a computer, and probably knows a local farm in which the sheep tend to be very friendly, particularly in the dark. He is the one who sets up the table of human fingers for candles, and pig heads for footrests. He has most probably listened to the audio story of Ed Gein over a thousand times.

Thirdly, and fourthly - barely pictured with fags in their mouths, are the Dad, and the Granddad... I am still not sure which is which, but the glasses fella looks a lot older... and a little more bitter - so must be the Granddad. The father smokes constantly, wears a sparkly hooded jumper with dollar signs all over it - proper bling but quite odd on an old man with a haggard face. He reads the tabloids and barely moves, once his arse is stuck on the starburger seat. He does the dirty work of the bunch, and likes to wear a rubber mask of Maggie Thatcher whilst undertaking his twisted deeds. The granddad sits as the head of the table, and worships the failed Beach Boys wannabe loser, Charlie Manson.

Each night they seek out prey in Harrow to capture and eat. They like big massive fat people, for the added meats and longevity. They particularly visit Primark for this reason.
It is highly possibly that the dad and mum are also brother and sister, and that the grandad is in fact a scientific experiment gone wrong.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is played ad nauseum in their house every minute of the day, and night. In fact, it was the inspiration for the lifestyle they choose The only other film any of them has ever seen, is Deliverance.

Whichever way you feel about them, be very weary of the trolls... and never take them up on any offers to go back to theirs for dinner - you have been warned!

Lee.